Yesterday was a day that will go beyond the day of infamy, and It is heartbreaking.
Many of us felt powerless while seeing such entitlement take over everyone's power. This is not what we are used to seeing in such extremes, so it was, of course, beyond heartbreaking and terrifying.
We live in an entitled society, but most of us don't see the extreme ways as it played out yesterday. We are coming to see these disparities more and more, which is progress, as we are used to seeing a more silent sense of entitlement.
It was terrifying to many of us who see the bigger picture, to see how fragile our democracy is. To recognize how much we have gone through, we continue to stay divided. We have a different choice, and I am praying that what happened yesterday will be an impetus for changing these absolute mindsets.
I am humbled to have the education and be a Social Worker who has seen these disparities throughout my life. When there is any form of trauma, whether it is collective or individual, it requires compassion for us to heal. There was a shortage of compassion yesterday, as people instead choose selfishness and stay in a place of deep anger.
I am a social worker; however, I am a human being first and foremost. A highly sensitive, empathetic person, so yesterday was devastating for me and many who share the same views on love and connection. My north star's of love and connection were not in play yesterday, which significantly impacted me.
However, I would come to see as lost as I felt, others were too, and I found ways to be there for others and myself. Clients rescheduled because they were not in the headspace for therapy, and I was not in that place to be their therapist. They were all so kind, as they heard through my emails and calls how unstable the day felt and how I was being affected.
One of my longer clients was momentarily my therapist when he assured me things would get better. Thank you, it helped me get through the rest of the day. Thank you for the hug Alysia, as I walked into the building filled with tears as I came home.
Today I feel better, and I hope most of us are. Although some very lost souls breached our north stars of love and connection, my north stars did come into place yesterday after I called them in, and I am grateful.
I cried live on Instagram because that is what felt right at the time, and I did it even though it felt unnatural. I was vulnerable in ways that scared me and made me question all night whether I made a fool of myself, and if I should delete it. I did not because to do so would be erasing the impact yesterday had on me. I am not in the business of erasing feelings.
My north stars did show up for me later in the day and night, through some of the messages from that IG post to friends and soul sisters who called to check on me.
I practiced self-care by reaching out to the beacons that support me. I turned off the news; I snuggled with Poppy, I prayed, I did a pilates stretch class by candlelight, and I got the restorative sleep that I needed.
This morning I still feel the pain, the pain that comes when we see something traumatic that we can't unsee. I, however, do feel stronger by knowing how I showed up for myself and my feelings. I was validated by how much support I have in my life and the support that I offer others. As everything in life is meant to be reciprocal but often isn't, this was a beautiful reminder.
I feel better this morning, and I hope everyone else who was scared yesterday does as well. Yesterday was a somber day, however not somber enough to combat my optimism about the future. I am excited about the future, which was not taken away by all of the dark exchanges. Instead, I choose to see the light, which will give way to change and healing.
This violence played out in juxtaposition to the positive news that came out of Georgia, and let us not forget the power from that state who showed up to say ENOUGH!
We are waking up knowing the vote has been certified after a day of mayhem. We see that resilience will always be in action, during these extreme times and in the less extreme times.
We can find a way to honor our feelings about yesterday while finding the hope the future brings. We can find a balance of accepting the cruelness while choosing the kindness that will help us heal.
I thank everyone who was part of imparting their prayers of peace and hope when so many felt terrified. This is what helped me feel all the feelings while feeling them and not judging myself for having them.
Please let us be gentler with one another today, to experience our feelings earnestly, to find peace when it is needed the most. Whether you are offering peace to yourself or someone else, you are doing the work to help others heal from this, and my heart thanks you.
To seeing happier times ahead, I share my love with so many,
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Peace, Peace, Peace,
Hillary Schoninger
