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Forboding JOY: Why It's SO TRIGGERING

Updated: Feb 16, 2020

Hello Everyone, Hope July has been treating everyone well. The heatwaves going across the country, seem to be exasperating a lot of people's frustrations, while also allowing some of us to feel victim to more noticeable negative energy. Let us not forget we are also at the end of Mercury in Retrograde. Thankfully this funky, energetic time ends tomorrow. Mercury, our planet of communication, will simmer down, allowing us to regroup from some of the heightened frustrations we might have been experiencing. Although this is time is challenging, again it is a time for us to SLOW DOWN, which I admit is hard for most of us. I have written about Mercury in Retrograde before, and it astonishes me every cycle what I observe in others and their overall increased reactivity. I can see how people are more vulnerable to absorbing other's negative energy, which may trigger their emotional health. This month's BLOG, I wanted to discuss the concept of "Foreboding Joy." This is a therapeutic concept that Brene Brown (superstar Social Worker, Writer, and Speaker) has researched tremendously. #CarreerGoals In her many books, Brene discusses how vulnerability shapes most of our inner and outer worlds. Unfortunately, we live in a world which often does not value authentic vulnerability. Often when we show vulnerable aspects of our lives, we are opening ourselves up to a lot of uncertainty in how others may react. It can be very emotionally upsetting to be vulnerable to someone who shows a lack of emotional insight to react with kindness and support. This type of reaction is often more of a sign of their inability to experience vulnerability than as a personal attack on whatever you are experiencing. Brene often says that the feeling of JOY can be one of the most triggering emotions we feel. Coincidentally feeling and embracing JOY is also one of the most visible ways we "lean into" being vulnerable. Why is feeling Joyous triggering? I think feeling JOY and embracing it, is complicated for many reasons, and it continues to be a psychological aspect which evolves. When we experience happiness and JOY, we inherently want to connect to these feelings; however, often, we have an inner voice or message that blocks these feelings. Brene has shown that we "Forbode JOY" for many reasons and that it is something we must be mindful of if we want to live a wholehearted life. When we forbode JOY, we are robbing ourselves in the most profound ways. By not allowing JOY to have its place in our lives, we send a continued message that we aren't deserving or worthy. This is a misconception which is not TRUE! These unlogical messages that say we don't deserve or are worthy of JOY are subjective for each individual. From my experience, trauma and toxic relationships (including family) play a significant role in how we experience and negotiate JOY in our lives. When you are a part of a toxic family, JOY is often scarce or can be completely absent. The absence and modeling of JOY in of itself can be an explanation to why it's hard for us to accept JOY. When we don't have a strong first impression or pattern of JOY within our families, it unconsciously becomes a message that we again are not worthy. Instead of embracing JOY, we convert to disregarding it because we are either scared by it or have attached a negative connotation to what JOY should be. Whether we are conscious or unconscious about our past emotional pain, we can be more mindful to how we allow JOY to surface. Finding ways that bring JOY in your life while consciously allowing it to fulfill you is a great way to start to rewire any negative messages we may have inherited. Finding JOY is a personal practice and means different things to others. It means taking on something that emotionally fulfills you and committing to the good vibes and energy it produces. Again this might be new for you and might be a source of discomfort, but it is a discomfort that is temporary and worth fighting through. There is nothing worse when we share something JOYUS with others and receive a nonsupportive or empathic response. What we must realize is that again, we do this because most of us are subconsciously forboding JOY. Nothing makes me happier to hear good news from my clients, friends, and family. I would never want to bring any negative energy to their identified JOY. However, this doesn't mean that sometimes, this doesn't happen. Again it comes down to how we as individuals we embrace our JOY. If we are not connecting to the JOY in our lives while being present in it, how can we be happy for someone else's JOY? It's hard, and this is why we must do our heavy lifting in embracing our relationship with JOY. We all want to be that person who is supportive and uplifting for others; however, it begins within. When we Forbode our JOY, we won't be able to be in harmony with ourselves or others. Own Your JOY! One of the easiest ways to stop forboding JOY in your life is to become more aware of how JOY surfaces for you. Allow JOY in and see how it feels. Instead of dismissing it, allow yourself to experience it, and be VULNERABLE. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain by embracing the happy aspects of your life. When we model healthy relationships with JOY, we are healing ourselves, while also shining a light to how this new way of feeling is attainable to all. Don't we all want to feel as if we are a part of the solution and not the problem? Well, by being merely aware of your JOY, you have the power to stop our overall pattern of Forboding it. Set the boundary for yourself that you are capable and willing to be HAPPY for yourself in spite of whatever anybody else thinks or reacts. This boundary will serve you tremendously while facilitating a lifestyle which is infused with JOY, PEACE, and SELF LOVE. Thank you all for reading this Month's BLOG. I genuinely hope it resonates to you that we are all struggling in some capacity to let the #GOODVIBES flow. We, however, can choose not to be stuck in FEAR and seemingly pick JOY. Until next month, PRACTICE JOY BE JOY LOVE JOY xoxox, Hillary P.S. I will be sharing more resources about Brene Brown, but until then watch her Netflix Special - The Call To Courage. (THANK YOU NETFLIX) or watch one of her many TED talks.

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